Bringing Matthew Home

Monday, October 20: GOTCHA DAY

This is our third adoption and our third gotcha experience. It is interesting how different they can be.  We've always had a morning gotcha but this time it wasn't until 2:30. That made for a long wait. After enjoying our first delicious breakfast at the Garden hotel, we hung out in the room, packed a bag of goodies for Matthew, and then went down to the pool. We met in the lobby at 1:45 to go to the Civil Affairs office.  It was surreal to walk into that room that I've seen in so many pictures. When we got there it was fairly quiet---it did not stay that way! Our guide told us Matthew was there so I sent Sarah to look behind the curtain to see if she could see him.  When she told me she could I had to go look.  And there, sitting quietly on the couch, was the little boy God laid on my heart 18 long months ago! It was hard to believe it was really him! Anna Grace kept saying, "I can't believe we are seeing him!"  We were told it would be 10 min before they brought him out but it was actually only about 5 so we totally were not ready when they brought him out. Matthew came to us with no tears but he was clearly afraid. He let me hold him for a few minutes and then went willingly to Shawn. He was very stoic  but when we showed him a light up toy he instantly smiled. Oh how I loved that smile! We were able to ask a few questions.  We didn't gain a whole lot of information but I'm thankful for what we got. We soon left to return to the hotel.  He was very nervous on the van, in the hotel lobby, and around others so we knew we'd eat dinner in the room.  Shawn and Sarah found congee for him since his schedule said he ate that twice a day. (For those coming to the Garden, the staff here calls congee "porridge."  If you ask for congee you will get looks of confusion. If you point to congee on the English menu at the Market restaurant, you will still get looks of confusion. Make it simple for yourself, call it porridge!) So we finally got the porridge and he didn't  want it.  He decided instead to eat a few Pringles for dinner---It's gotcha day, so whatever!  While he ate that Shawn and Sarah left again to find our dinner.  While they were gone the weight of the day caught up with Matthew.  His eyes filled and his chest started heaving and he cried the saddest cry.  It was heartbreaking to not be able to comfort him. He did let me hold him and rub his back but I know my words meant nothing to him, my presence wasn't really a comfort.  Thankfully he did feel safe enough to fall asleep in my arms. That was the best!! He woke briefly but was pretty quiet and then fell asleep on the bed between Shawn and me. He slept all night, waking at 6:30, just like his schedule said. It was a good day.  Matthew was brave and strong and precious! I will never know what it took for him to leave that civil affairs office with us like he did, quietly and without a tear. But I do know I will forever thank God that He chose us to be his mama and daddy.

Tuesday, October 21: Adoption Is finalized!

Matthew was sleeping when the rest of us crazies woke up. Jet lag is killing us. Anna Grace was awake at 4:00 and came into our room at 4:30. She and I tried to go back to sleep but I think we were both too excited to have Matthew beside us! By 5 we were snuggling, talking about her gotcha day, and wondering how Matthew would feel when he woke up.  I reminded her that he might not be as excited to see her as she was to see him. Watching him cry the night before was hard on Anna so talked through some of that. I am so thankful for the time we had together before Matthew woke. It was just what Anna needed. Matthew woke up at 6:30, just like his schedule said. He wasn't distressed when he saw us and we let him lie there for a few minutes to wake up before daddy took him to the potty.  (Shawn has decided adopting kids who are already potty trained is the way to go!!) We had gotten smiles the night before so we weren't sure what to expect, especially when we left the room to go down to breakfast.  As we guessed it might, the restaurant was stressful for him.  We were thankful to be seated down this back hall because it was a lot calmer there. Matthew has attached himself to Shawn so I left them at the table and went to get food.  We had no idea what he would eat.  2 different types of congee were tried and he would have none of it. It was almost as if he was saying, "I've been eating that for 4 years; give me some real food!" And eat he did! Omelet, watermelon, cantaloupe, crackers, and bread. It was thrilling to watch him eat so well. After we ate we took bread to feed the fish outside.  Matthew hung tightly to Shawn and watched his sisters do that. (Whenever we are out of the hotel room this is his response.  He just wants to hang on to Daddy and Daddy is happy to hold on to him!) After breakfast we returned to the civil affairs office and Matthew was super-stressed! His whole body changed. It was so sad. He didn't smile, he wouldn't let us put him down, he clearly didn't want to be there. I am certain he wondered if we were going to leave him there since that is where he had met him. We had to return to finalize the adoption. But what was so very, very cool was when we got on the elevator to leave he got a big smile and when we walked outside he smiled even bigger. His reaction was instantaneous! He relaxed, he smiled, he even handed us the two toys that had been in his hands  since me met him.  It hurt my heart that he thought we might leave him  but I'm thankful he was happy when he realized we weren't! We hope this is the first step in him attaching to us! We stopped by Shaimain Island on the way back to the hotel. Both us and the other family who finalized today were looking for sandals. I must admit, I miss the atmosphere on the island,the ease of walking around, Lucy's sweet tea in mason jars..... I am thankful we get to go back for a longer visit next week. Once we returned to our hotel room, we saw a new child emerge. Matthew was willing to walk for the first time. Up to this point he had been carried everywhere. He walks well although it must not feel good to walk on the foot that is clubbed. That leg is clearly smaller and shorter but it doesn't slow him down.  By this evening he was running up and down the hotel halls with Anna Grace. He giggled and laughed the best laugh ever as he watched Anna Grace blow bubbles. It was amazing to hear!!!! He built Legos, lined up cars, colored in a coloring book, and played with the stacking cups!! I am thrilled with all he did today as we were prepared for a child who may not know how to play at all. He clearly does best in the hotel room. There he is smiley and playful. When we leave the room he becomes very somber and hangs tightly on to Shawn. This evening we walked to the supermarket to buy an umbrella stroller.  He may look little but he is solid!!! And Shawn's back needs relief! Being in the store was stressful. We saw a Lego area where he could actually play with Legos--he was having none of that! Didn't matter that he loved them in the hotel room; he just wanted me to hold him.  He's not quite ready to ride in the stroller we got so Anna grace is happily modeling that for him!! Overall, the change in just 24 hours is remarkable. I have been surprised to see a little boy emerge who laughs loudly, draws circles with a pencil, sorts stacking cups by color and using such good problem solving skills. (The kindergarten teacher in me was loving seeing these developmental milestones!) I cannot wait to see what he's like next week and next month! He is a precious, precious gift and I keep looking at him and thinking how great our God is.  How thankful I am that He would not let me forget the sweet face I saw in April 2013. What a huge loss it would have been for us to not know this sweet boy and call him son.